Case of the Ex

In the past two weeks I have found out that as many of my ex’s are now seeing other people. I told you about Mr Wales the other day. I wasn’t sure what the weird feeling I was feeling was, but it was weird none the less.

Now last night, I met up with a couple of my best guy mates in London as they were visiting from my home-town. I’ve known them for just about 10 years, and I know them through another one of my friends, Mr On and Off, who this post is about. One of them told me that Mr On and Off now had a girlfriend. I was genuienly happy for him. I still consider him one of my closest friends and want him to be happy, and I really do hope things work. When asked if I was upset by the revelation, I can honestly say I wasn’t, just more surprised.

Let me give you a bit of a back story..

I met Mr On and Off nearly 10 years ago now. We met through a school friend who he was working with at the time on her 18th birthday. He put his number in my phone when I drove us all home. We text for a bit, and even went out a couple of times. But things never really took off. We continued to hang out though, as I was friends with someone he worked with, so was always out on nights out together, and obviously met the two guys I was out with last night.

Over the years things continued to happen.. we’d go out on dates, on nights out we’d hook up and end up back at one or the others. It continued for years, and about 3 years ago we fell out over something that I don’t feel ready to share with you all just yet! It took just over a year to make up and we managed to avoid each other for the entire time. When we did make up, things started back up again and I honestly thought things might be going somewhere properly that time. That was just under 2 years ago, and I was wrong. Despite liking him, and wanting things to go somewhere with him, it didn’t and he bailed again. It was the usual story and after 8 years of it, I’d had enough of waiting, and called a stop to it.

In the entire time I’ve known him, he has never had a girlfriend! Ever! So you can imagine my shock when it turns out he has been seeing someone for the last 6 weeks or so.

Anyway.. I really do hope things go well for him, if he is really serious about it.

 

Feeling sort of icky

What an odd thing to have happened.

Let me start at the beginning. I met Mr Wales nearly a year ago now, and we went out for about 6 or so weeks, having a bloody marvelous time. I was a little shocked and disappointed when six weeks in, he ended things and didn’t think things were going anywhere… although the night before he was all to happy to sleep with me. That’s besides the point.

At the time we rarely spoke, if at all, but after a while I realised I quite missed him being in my life, and initiated contact with him to say we should go for drinks. Which we did, several times. One night after being blown out by a guy at work (That’s an entirely different story that I will enlighten you with at some point), I decided that I thought I still liked Mr Wales and tried to kiss him. It was horrible, and we both felt it. It was like kissing my brother. Weird. From that moment on I knew I didn’t have feelings for him a at all but actually just enjoyed being around him and having him as a mate. He was a very nice bloke and when I got run over he came and sat with him in the hospital even braving my Mum.

We’ve continued to speak, going out for drinks.. me leaving random voicemails or having drunken calls, which he tells me he really enjoys and are highly entertaining. I am the queen of the drunk call, and regularly make a twat of myself. I thought nothing of any of it, even when friends giving me that look of, oh you’re just friends, you sure you don’t like him. I don’t, not like that. I don’t have the desire to jump his bones anymore. To be honest I don’t even find him attractive anymore, and honestly not too sure what I saw in the first place. I guess it was his sense of humour and that Welsh accent.

However today I saw something on Facebook that took me by surprise. He is now in a relationship. Well it must be serious, it’s Facebook official. To be honest, he never really struck me as the type of person to broadcast that sort of info over Facebook, being a little bit older, but oh well. I’m not sure what I’m feeling icky about! Is it..

  • The fact that he has a girlfriend
  • The fact that he has a girlfriend before I’ve met anyone
  • The fact that I found out through Facebook

I know that he doesn’t owe me anything. Whilst I would consider us friends, we’re not particularly close, but I guess as someone he continues to see on a semi-regular basis and as someone he used to have rather active sex with should he have at least mentioned it to me?

I really don’t know you!

It calls for one thing and one thing only.. I better get some dates lined up. Here’s hoping they are a bit better than the last few.

 

 

The one where I thought he was a bar man!

So if you’ve been following me on here or Twitter, you’ll know that I had a date last night.

And horray… it wasn’t so bad that I felt like running away within 5 seconds of meeting him. I was very worried after the last one (and sort of the one before that) that I was on a downward spiral of awful dates, and whilst yes it makes for funny stories, (There are no bad dates only good stories) (a great point made by my favourite male dating bloggers) it’s not so entertaining for me when I’m home before 8pm!

So imagine my surprise, when I found him fairly attractive. Not blow your socks off, jump my bones right now, but enough that wasn’t repulsed (God I do really sound like a bitch don’t I).

We’d arranged to meet at a pub, I got there first and went and found us a table (a novelty as I usually meet them at a station, or outside a pub first). I text to say where I was, and he found me. Unfortunately, I mistook him for a bar man initially. It was only on second glance that I realised it was him. Luckily I hadn’t gotten round to saying “It’s ok, I’m just waiting for someone” and realised before. Woops!

Date wise, he was a nice enough chap. We got on and there were no uncomfortable silences. Saying that, there rarely are when I’m there. I tend to fill them. (That’s another blog post “Did we really talk a lot, or was it me doing all of the talking”)

I would definitely go out with him, should he ask. We have been texting since, and about jokes that came up during the date, so cross fingers. I shan’t be gutted if we don’t. I’m not sure disappointed even covers it. But it would be a shame if we didn’t as there could be potential.

I’m just glad he was a nice enough guy that I enjoyed spending time with, and wasn’t completely bored. We had a little thing in common that really struck a cord with me, so I’d be keen.

Anyway I shall let you know. I have other stories about other things to say soon. So I shall get writing this weekend.

-UPDATE ON DATE- 23rd July 2011

We shall not be seeing each other again. I have just been informed! Oh well, more date stories, and it restored my faith in online dating.

Date Night

This evening, I go on my first date since the buggering off incident. Woops!

I’m feeling a little apprehensive about it, as the last few dates have been a little disappointing. I’m not suggesting I’m after a relationship from this or even hints of one, just would like a bit of fun with them this evening.

My expectations of dates have changed as well now. To start with, I was concerned with how they would perceive me. Would they fancy me in the flesh? Do I live up to what they were expecting? Etc etc.. But after the last few, it’s the other way round. Will I fancy them in the flash, will they live up to what I want.

I’m not sure whether to put the butterflies in my stomach down to nerves or the fact that I got drunk last night for my housemates birthday. An hour long night bus from the Strand at 1am was not fun in the slightest. I had to wait for it for 20 minutes as well. To say I am tired today is an understatement.

Anyway – wish me good luck. I’ll update you all tomorrow evening about how it is.

Potential Date

I have some news.. My first date since I started writing and comitting to this blog properly.

From what I can gather he appears like a fairly normal human being. 32, so a perfect age for me. Well to be honest age doesn’t really matter to me much, but whenever I tell my Mum how old someone is when I’m seeing them, she always says “OOoo good age” when there between 30-35. So a good age in the eyes of my Mum.

 

I know very little about him. We only started chatting this evening, so let’s see what happens over the course of the next few days and what we chat about. I will keep you updated. I need a nickname for him… I was thinking “Mr Good Age”

Anyone?

TOWIB

On Saturday afternoon, courtesy of my friend over at http://www.londonbeautyqueen.com/ I am off to a great event she is organising called The Only Way is Blogging. http://www.towib.blogspot.com/
Apparently it’s going to be a great chance for bloggers of all different shapes and sizes focusing on different things to get together and chat about the world of blogging.

I wouldn’t normally mention such an event, expect that it is in the place that I had my very first online date way back in September 2008. The Pitcher and Piano in Holborn. And what a first date that was. I ended up with the guy for a whirl wind 3 months, but unfortunately he turned into a bit of a jackass! I think he liked the idea of a girlfriend much more than an actual girlfriend.

Anyway I have not been back since, so should be interesting to see if it brings back any memories.

Tube Crush

I’m presuming by now, that the majority of you have seen this website Tube Crush. This post isn’t going to harp on about the sexist nature of the website. Yes, us girls would be horrified if we were subject to such sexual objectification (although come on and admit you’d be a little chuffed if you appeared on the site). Blah blah blah blah.

Nope, what I want to know is. Why don’t we talk to these people on the tube? You’ve seen the movie. Boy on subway (nearly always American), sees girl he likes. Approaches said girl to ask her out. In front of a packed train. Is rejected. Is not met by horror by the other passengers. Follows her off the train to pursue her. (A little bit weird, and if it was real life would probably have been met with a slap). Eventually girl gives in and agrees to go on a date. All live happily ever after. (Well depending on the film, I’ve seen a few that did not end so well).

OK, so this isn’t real life, and if you were to run after someone who had already rejected you, you would probably either a) get a slap or b) given a restraining order. But why don’t we try in the first place? Is it the fear of rejection? Or is it the fear of everyone laughing at you on the tube in the first place?

In a now defunct free evening London paper, there was a little column for people to try and get in touch with people they have eyed up on the train. I’m not going to lie, I used to sift through hoping I might find a description of me.. I didn’t! What I’d like to know is, do you think any of these people actually managed to meet. I do wonder.

With all of these ways in which to let your tube crush knowing you are ‘chrushing’ on them.. why can’t we just go up to them and ask them for their number?

I wonder if it really is different in New York and they do in fact ask people out on the trains there? It’s just adding another reason to my list of reasons to want to live and work over there!

Boys next time you’re on the tube and you see me looking, if you fancy me back.. ask me out please…

 

Exposé

I wanted to tell you all about a date I had a few months back, purely on the basis that it was utterly hilarious. Well the lead up to it was, the date was not too shabby.

Having been in the world of online dating for a good three years now, I’ve grown tired of it. I will literally go weeks on end with nothing going on. Sometimes I’ll sift through the pictures (if you don’t have a picture it’s not going to happen), and casually send a wink at a few people. I find the wink a great way to get the ball rolling… at least that way if they don’t bother reciprocating, you don’t feel entirely rejected. However usually I let them come to me and hope for the best.

Anyway as a result of the dry periods, or the trough season of the “peaks and troughs theory” I always get a little excited when I click with someone over a few emails. So much so that one Saturday afternoon when I was bored I happened across a rather dashing young man (although he was 33 and looks about 23), who seemed genuine enough and asked if I’d like to go out that evening.

Now having been a firm believer in the ‘you should never accept a Saturday date after Wednesday’, I was a little reluctant to go out with him that evening. That being said, I was in on my own otherwise and thought sod it… He seemed like a nice chap, had a good job so I thought what the heck.

I tarted myself up, and made my way over to meet Mr Art (He work in an art college) in Bethnal Green. It was a little bit of a trek from my tiny corner of South West London.

Sat atop the 333 to Brixton to catch the tube, I headed to the front seat. That way I can see my surroundings (and let’s face it, it’s still good fun at 27), and not have to pay attention to the screaming chavvy children on the rest of the bus. I tend to mind my own business, and either get out my phone to play a game or read what ever book I have in my bag. At some point during the journey a chap climbs aboard and sits in the aisle opposite me at the front, but I barely notice. However, during what was probably a very tense Sudoku game I happened to catch some twitching in the corner of my eye of what can only be described as fiddling with his nether regions.

The next part probably sounds like a thought process that went on for a few minutes, however in reality was only a few seconds.

As I caught this man in the corner of my eye, I thought to myself, surely he doesn’t have the audacity to be having his hand down his pants having a good old play in the middle of the day on the top of a packed bus. I decided -(to give myself peace of mind that I had indeed imagined it) to take a hesitant glance over to the left.

What I saw was not a man with his hand down his pants. No.. instead what I saw was a man with his todger out in full view of the entire bus.

I have never moved so quickly in all my years (apart from when I dropped my phone down the toilet… I’ve never put my hand in a loo so un-reluctantly). However instead of doing the thing I normally would do in circumstances where there is wrong doing (i.e. telling on that person.. I’m such a snitch), I just moved seats as far away as I possible could. The chap in question saw me see him and move and quickly put it away, but unfortunately the damage was done and the image burned onto my retina’s for a very long time to come.

As the chap left the bus a gentleman who had been sitting behind him, got up and sat in his seat. I thought to myself “love you have no idea what has just been going on in that chair” . As I walked down the stairs, I tried very hard not to hold on to the rail. Urgh!

Date-wise it was very average. Apart from Mr Art getting drunk after only two drinks and trying to get me to go back to his. The incident did make for a great topic of conversation on the date.

Just a shame that we never saw each other again… what a story to tell the grandkids. “Did you know that when Nan and Grandad had their first date, Nan had been exposed to by a man on a bus”

Dirty perv!

Kelsey ‘Grammar’

Before I get started please let me begin by explaining that I do not suggest for one minute that I am perfect at spelling, punctuation and grammar. I often spell things wrong, and notice too late when something has already been sent. As such I hope this doesn’t appear patronising or in anyway as if I think I’m superior in my writing skills than others.

BUT…. and it’s a huge but, I have a huge problem with “text speak”. I’m slowly coming to accept the ‘lol’ as an over-used saying when something is remotely funny, or not in the case of some of my friends. (army-wife my best friend does this a lot).

When I’m chatting to a guy and we’re exchanging a few witty texts, whilst a quick lol at a remotely funny thing I’ve said grinds my gears a little, it’s certainly not a deal breaker. What is a deal-breaker is you replace words with numbers or change love to luv and the like. Is there any need for it. Now of course I understand when we were a little younger and using pay-as-you-go phones to text each other, we had to shorten the text as much as possible, but in the day of unlimited or a lot of texts included in tariffs, is there any need to shorten your words as much. I should hope by now that you have a contract phone and you’re not running off to the shop to top-up your phone at any given moment. A favourite dating blogger The Single Filez of mine wrote about this a while ago.

Recently my Nan blamed me being too picky on being single. And to a point I agree. I have this ideal in my head and when I date someone that doesn’t match that I dismiss them. Perhaps for the wrong reasons. However I do think my want of a man who can communicate intelligently is not something I should compromise on.

So gents, if you send me a message, be it through an online dating site, or by text after we’ve exchanged numbers and you talk in text speak. I’m afraid things just won’t go very far.

Language snobbery? Perhaps… but I think you can tell a lot about a person who writes well in a text. Although I don’t want you sounding like Charles flipping Dickens. (I’ve had that, twice). Mr Irish spoke to me as if he was a rescuing prince and I was a princess trapped in a tower.. calling me darling and sweetheart before we’ve even met, not a good thing. I’m sure there are ladies out there who love this sort of thing, but I’m not one of them. I find it a little creepy.

Perhaps my Nan is right. I am being way too picky, and actually have no idea what I want.

Anyway I’d love to hear what you think about this, am I being too picky?

Hit & Run

Last night I had possibly the worst dating experience….

After a week or so of chatting to a particular guy who we shall call Mr Irish, we arranged to meet at a well known station in London.

I had seen his pictures, and whilst I wasn’t blown away with attraction to him on first glance, I had decided to give it a shot, because after a recent family party where my Nan told me I was too picky with men, I thought she might be right. Damn that woman!

Anyway despite having my reservations from the off, I went along anyway with the hope that it might be a surprise… Oh and that it was. His pictures were clearly taken a good 5 years ago, and had clearly put on a severe amount of weight since then. Now please, don’t get me wrong, I am in no way a skinny minnie; far from it in fact, and I would never judge anyone based on their size. However his pictures were clearly not a true representation of him and I panicked. I was going to have to spend a good couple of hours with Mr Irish.

I’ve had a few dates in the past where I’ve seen the person in question and just not been as attracted to them as I was their pictures, but have gone on anyway. One guy who I wasn’t particularly attracted to, ended up being the best fun and we had an amazing date. We even spent a good six weeks dating each other and had some really fun times together. We’ve even remained friends to this day. So I hope it shows that I am not one to just dismiss people based on the way they look.

So having said hello, we went along to a pub. Awfully in the back of my head I was thinking, “God, how do I get out of this”. I came up with the cliche idea to go to the toilet and call my housemates and get them to ring me in 15 minutes to make my escape. Awful I know. So we reached the pub, we found a table, and before he could ask what drink I wanted I made my excuse to go to the toilet.. as it was I was in dire need of a wee!

I tried to find the loo, but after searching for it for a couple of minutes, I found myself by the door we had come in. So instead of going to the toilet and making my excuses… I legged it! Now there was no running involved, I was in heels; but I did walk very briskly towards the tube station. On the way I kept thinking “Should I go back, is it now too late to go back, what if he’s already gone and I bump into him on the way out, god what will I say.. Nope if I go back now, he’ll think I’ve been for a number 2, and I certainly don’t want him thinking that”

I have never done anything like that before. Never. I’ve sat through dates that were awful for hours on end and just wanted to escape, but not done so! I’ve had dull and boring dates, that I’ve wanted to leave, and most of the time they don’t last beyond a couple of hours. But I sat there none the less! One date was so mind numbingly dull that I decided to order us shots to get through the pain. But I still sat there… although saying that I was on crutches having just been run over the week before so there wasn’t really a way to run off!

Mr Irish.. I am so sorry for running out on you. If it’s any consellation I feel absolutely awful about it and know for a fact that my dating karma is about to come around and bite me on the arse. So feel free to gloat in my misery soon!

Oh and that wee? Had to wait until I got home. I was busting!

So yes, I will be going to hell!