I wanted to tell you all about a date I had a few months back, purely on the basis that it was utterly hilarious. Well the lead up to it was, the date was not too shabby.

Having been in the world of online dating for a good three years now, I’ve grown tired of it. I will literally go weeks on end with nothing going on. Sometimes I’ll sift through the pictures (if you don’t have a picture it’s not going to happen), and casually send a wink at a few people. I find the wink a great way to get the ball rolling… at least that way if they don’t bother reciprocating, you don’t feel entirely rejected. However usually I let them come to me and hope for the best.

Anyway as a result of the dry periods, or the trough season of the “peaks and troughs theory” I always get a little excited when I click with someone over a few emails. So much so that one Saturday afternoon when I was bored I happened across a rather dashing young man (although he was 33 and looks about 23), who seemed genuine enough and asked if I’d like to go out that evening.

Now having been a firm believer in the ‘you should never accept a Saturday date after Wednesday’, I was a little reluctant to go out with him that evening. That being said, I was in on my own otherwise and thought sod it… He seemed like a nice chap, had a good job so I thought what the heck.

I tarted myself up, and made my way over to meet Mr Art (He work in an art college) in Bethnal Green. It was a little bit of a trek from my tiny corner of South West London.

Sat atop the 333 to Brixton to catch the tube, I headed to the front seat. That way I can see my surroundings (and let’s face it, it’s still good fun at 27), and not have to pay attention to the screaming chavvy children on the rest of the bus. I tend to mind my own business, and either get out my phone to play a game or read what ever book I have in my bag. At some point during the journey a chap climbs aboard and sits in the aisle opposite me at the front, but I barely notice. However, during what was probably a very tense Sudoku game I happened to catch some twitching in the corner of my eye of what can only be described as fiddling with his nether regions.

The next part probably sounds like a thought process that went on for a few minutes, however in reality was only a few seconds.

As I caught this man in the corner of my eye, I thought to myself, surely he doesn’t have the audacity to be having his hand down his pants having a good old play in the middle of the day on the top of a packed bus. I decided -(to give myself peace of mind that I had indeed imagined it) to take a hesitant glance over to the left.

What I saw was not a man with his hand down his pants. No.. instead what I saw was a man with his todger out in full view of the entire bus.

I have never moved so quickly in all my years (apart from when I dropped my phone down the toilet… I’ve never put my hand in a loo so un-reluctantly). However instead of doing the thing I normally would do in circumstances where there is wrong doing (i.e. telling on that person.. I’m such a snitch), I just moved seats as far away as I possible could. The chap in question saw me see him and move and quickly put it away, but unfortunately the damage was done and the image burned onto my retina’s for a very long time to come.

As the chap left the bus a gentleman who had been sitting behind him, got up and sat in his seat. I thought to myself “love you have no idea what has just been going on in that chair” . As I walked down the stairs, I tried very hard not to hold on to the rail. Urgh!

Date-wise it was very average. Apart from Mr Art getting drunk after only two drinks and trying to get me to go back to his. The incident did make for a great topic of conversation on the date.

Just a shame that we never saw each other again… what a story to tell the grandkids. “Did you know that when Nan and Grandad had their first date, Nan had been exposed to by a man on a bus”

Dirty perv!